From IN-dependent To INTER-dependent

I always believed that strong people were characterized by their ability to face any adversity while continuing to stand on their own two feet with a fiercely independent nature.  An individual proved strength by displays of self-reliance regardless of the depth of a situation's circumstances.  In addition, I viewed the allowing of oneself to be knocked down for the count not as a sign of strength but instead as a reminder to "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" and persevere regardless.In my own quest to be the best I could be, I took great measures to avoid being a "dependent" person.  Having to rely on the support of others was something of which the circumstances of the childhood abuse I'd endured didn't allow.  The secret needed to be kept and there was a necessary level of confiding in others connected with being dependent.  This left me with no other conceivable choice (or so it seemed) than to solely rely upon myself, therefore, rendering the necessity to be "independent".  So independent and self-reliant became who I was and defined my course of action for a great number of years.When I learned the concept of INTERdependence, my view of what determined an individual's level of strength greatly shifted.  I learned that individuals could be mutually reliant upon one another.  I became  aware that each of us had varying strengths that when shared with each other had the ability to greatly impact one another's lives in a positive way.  Though sounding like a win-win situation, altering the way I'd lived my life for the better part of 4 decades was not an easy task.  Under the umbrella of "interdependence" were more interconnected concepts than first realized; one of those concepts being that of trust (see last month's blog titled TRUST).One of the other key concepts necessary for INTERdependence is receptivity, or one's ability to receive.   Now THIS was a challenge for me!  I was well versed in knowing on some level what others needed and my "strength" allowed for all that was necessary to provide for them.  My belief was that if all was well around me then all was well within me and my world.  However, I wouldn't learn until much later (after my own physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual reserves were depleted) that the well being my actions provided for others was actually giving me a false sense of my own well being.I realized I'd been responsible for creating my own imbalance by being unable and unwilling to receive from others.  The good news (as Dr. Wayne Dyer teaches) is that because I'd created the undesirable situation, I had the ability to change it. Despite this knowledge, I was still at a loss when determining the HOW piece of changing a mindset that had become a habit (and had possibly begun as a "meme" ~ see Bruce Lipton's work on MEMES ~ very fascinating).  However, with time and a great deal of awareness, I began to allow myself to receive in small, incremental ways.It wasn't until I read the words of several women whose wisdom I deeply respect that I finally put a more healthy mindset to my novice skill of receiving.  Cheryl Richardson says that "Receiving is an act of generosity," while Doreen Virtue professes, "...when you let others give to you, they experience the joy of giving.  You give them a gift each time that you're a gracious receiver."  Within those words was the piece in INTERdependence that I could grasp and allow into my life.  With this knowledge that my benefiting from graciously "receiving" was simultaneously "giving", I felt able to allow for my interdependence to become a part of what defined my strength.Being the person I am who possesses a strong desire to help others improve the quality of their lives through the healing process, I now make a conscious effort to keep an awareness around being sure that I maintain a balanced level of actions between those initiated through first giving out and then receiving as well as through those actions initiated by first receiving in order to give to others.In conclusion, based on my own experiences, my advice to you would be to surround yourself with those you can trust (including becoming a "person to be trusted" yourself) and then (at the risk of repeating myself but knowing it is extremely important) maintain a balanced level of actions through allowing yourself to both give and receive. If you are interested in following periodically posted quotes related to the topic of this blog, LIKE me on Facebook or FOLLOW me on Twitter.