Leaving Me Behind
A Brief Excerpt to a Not-So-Brief Story
It was a time in my life when loss was at the forefront of my daily living. My focus was on how easily the world seemed to go on around me after the wonderful people who loved me acknowledged my woes and then, rightfully so, went about their lives.
To me, my reality was that I was alone. I'd "lost" the two things that kept me grounded when I sold my home of 21 years and saw my son (or dare I say "my life") off to college. I made a bold move for me and moved out of my home town where I had resided my whole life. I took a chance and though that chance led me to new situations and people, it also led me into uncharted waters.
Somewhere along the way, I made the decision to finally cut ties with what I had come to speak of as my gift/my cross to bear. I said goodbye to my spiritual foundation, closed off my gifts of intuition (except during client sessions), and took it a step further by closing myself off to the Guidance my intuition had provided for me personally.
I, then, stepped onto a very different path of life than the one I had set for myself at a time when crushing childhood memories were so deeply triggered that they seemed to threaten my very existence. What did remain on that new path were the hard knocks of life, only now, I was dealing with them in a more self-reliant way; through the guidance of my emotions and my brain.
As an alternative therapist seeing hundreds of clients and students in my Peace of Mind practice throughout the previous decade and a half, I knew full well that emotions are indicative of my reactions to current situations and that they are fleeting. I also knew that the logical mind and the ego will do whatever necessary to survive and when faced with fight or flight experiences will not always be the best judge of how to proceed. That said, I chose to continue to forge my own path and exert my own will.
Then, I reached a time in my life...a time when my health was prematurely beginning to become a challenge; a time when everything and (almost) everyone that brought me fulfillment were replaced by things and ways of living that were so far from my true priorities; a time when I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person looking back; it was THAT moment that I knew.
It became so clear that I was the proverbial "projector" of my life. That what was being displayed on the "screens" and in the "scenes" of my current life circumstances were mere projections of my beliefs about life, my purpose in life, and how imperative it was that I begin to recognize my own value.
With this realization came the truth about who I am; a spiritual being in a human form who has been given the opportunity to develop my gifts of intuition. I realized my intuition (which had helped me be for others a vessel for the healing work of a Power much greater than myself) was also available for me to heal on a personal level. I needed to realize my value so I could begin to treat myself and my own well being with just as much care and importance as that I'd shown to others.
I reconnected with my gifts and though I still from time to time define those gifts as "my cross to bear", I do so with an understanding that it is my perspective creating the "cross". As I began to "project" my value, I did so not through ego or boastfulness but rather through my essence. I shifted from living based on external factors navigating my path FOR me to believing that by recognizing my value and embracing my gifts, my essence naturally and organically attracts people and opportunities that bring forth my intention of creating only that which is for the greatest good of all (now, including myself).
If you were to embrace the opportunity to change your "projector", how would the "scenes" of your life playing on the "screens" surrounding you be different?